Sunday, February 4, 2018

Hak Anda sebagai Tuan Rumah & Penyewa

Fuhh ... tajuknya begitu serius sekali. 

But naaaa I won't be writing about the whole thing pun, I will just share this post here for everyone to read and ponder upon it - kisah Makcik Bawang (not sure why bawang jadi mangsa here haha) yang tak makan duit haram kononnya.

Anyway, this is going to be my 601th post since I started blogging in 2008...Hey! it's a decade of blogging already...hurrahh :-) But let's not lie to myself - it's already February of 2018 and I am finding it difficult to keep a regular update. And let's face the fact - who actually read blogs anymore just for the sake of it. They always come for a reason, they are not really following your life story (you thing you are Kim K ka??), unless of course they are interested to know what mischief you have been up to lately - yes, I am talking to you, you gossip-monger!

I started writing in this blog pun, used to be because I wanted to share my stories to my family and friends while we were in Australia from 2008 - 2012. Then since I came home, I kinda lose track of it all, what more with the advent of Instagram (love FB then, but not anymore). Even on my other blogs - blogs with academic orientations pun tak sempat nak update. Leisure writing is definitely a privilege nowadays. I thought of keeping to a particular timeline, but alas still couldn't because of so many other things that needed to be prioritized. Then I started logging daily events on the JOURNAL app, so lagi lah I find no reason to write for the public anymore.  

Thoughts of quitting this blog altogether come from time to time - but I kinda feel probably I should find another way of keeping my writing together. But that is going to be for me to figure out by myself...boring stuff.

Ok, back to kisah makcik halalharam di atas - so far kes macam ni mmg ada di kampus, not exactly like this. Ada yang pelajar kena keluar rumah less than 24 hours, ada yang berkoyan-koyan message call baru nak pulangkan deposit, ada tuan rumah yang suka hati keluar masuk rumah without permission penyewa, ada yang tipu pelajar tentang rumah, mcm2 lagi lah. But I think kes macam ni is really over the top lar - suka hati jer makcik tu, mentang-mentanglah deal dgn students. Padan jugak lah dgn treatment dia tu terhadap students tu. Tapi in my campus, byk kes nya, sampai tahap gertak-gertak je, then both parties will eventually solved the problem anyway, sometimes with the help of the college officers and the pegawai pembangunan pelajar. But it's interesting now that since this colleague of mine have decided to forward the case to court in order to assist the students with their claim, then this shall become a 'precedent' for the students here too. Congratulations to her for her advice and the students for standing up for their rights! 

But since I quit all my posts since last May, I haven't been really getting into any of this anymore. Probably for the best. So I think posting all this is the best I can do for now. I have become very invested some times before with the legal advising tasks that I become easily frustrated with the lack of Itqan of some people I work with. I am so happy not needing to deal with these suckers anymore, haha I will probably go dye my hair blue soon. Now, I take one day at a time - and have my own KPI. This year - there shall be 3 papers published after 2-3 years of postponement, 1 conference paper and I am working on 2 books to be published with two colleagues from Pahang and Melaka, Insya Allah. 

In the meantime...we wait for another post of mine...soon? Maybe not soon enough :-)

Sunday, December 31, 2017

2017 dalam kenangan

2017 ini istimewa buatku. Tempoh yang mengajar betapa pentingnya kehidupan dan kematian dan apa saja perkara di antaranya. Begitulah hakikatnya apabila hidup tahun ini berlatarbelakangkan pengalaman dari satu institut ke institut, IKN dan IJN. Sesungguhnya IKN dan IJN ini bagai langit dengan bumi dari banyak sisi. Hanya yang melalui keduanya akan memahami. Jadi akurlah apabila jadi insan terpilih.

In between my time at both institutes, I lost my mom to cancer and I went through another life and death situation with my dad's need to replace his heart valve 5 months after her death. It all felt like a dream, a bad one. But we went through it all and survived. Sadly, I still haven't found the time to properly jot down my thoughts in a coherent manner. Probably some day, when I need soothing from writing. As for now, life needs to be lived, and the time for reflections remained only in my mind and thoughts.

Somewhere in the midst of this all, at mid year, my term as the Head of Department came to an end. I made it clear, in fact, twice to my superior that I do not intend for my term to be renewed. Holding an administrative post when your passion is actually teaching is like watching your life passes through in front of your eyes in fast forward. It's fast-paced, meaningless, gone and forgotten in a few minutes. Never will I feel like doing it ever again. I applied for a teaching position and I intend to retire and continue working in this line, and not managing people who refused to be managed. But I understand now, even better than before that there's no point expecting others to understand your problems, for your problems are 'designed' especially only for you. So the only person that can deal with those problems is me, myself. I get that now. 

Going into 2018, there are still people I need to forgive, habits I need to let go and projects I need to pursue with a vengeance. I will eventually forgive as time helps to heal my pain, I will eventually reduced those bad habits of mine and I will start and complete those projects in due time. My mantra for 2018 is to have less junks in people I kept as my company, in goods and in my food intake. I wanna keep it simple. Simpler than 2017.

As you can see from my #2017bestnine on IG, my life is mostly for my family and I intend to keep it that way. In the end that's what's most important anyway - FAMILY.

So this is Life as I see it ~ NFN

Saturday, September 30, 2017

IJN Valve Replacement Surgery for Abah - Pre Operation

Fate had it that almost 5 months after Mama passed away, Abah's heart's (mitral) valve function is getting worst. He had bouts of  dizziness, fatigue, difficult to catch his breath and he was unable to maintain his regular activity sometimes several days in a week.

His regular check up was set for early August at the IJN. Results from his echo-gram showed that the opening and closing of the valve is getting lesser that his usual 1.8 cm (He'd been living with this 'size' for the past 5 years or so). The doctors then suggested surgery or angioplasty, but he told them he would discuss it with the rest of us first. A couple of weeks later he was again feeling light-headed, by now somewhat regular that usual. So we rushed him to the emergency at IJN and the trauma Dr monitored him and suggested another appointment with the Consultant Cardiologist the following week along with a stress test. 

On the day of the stress test, the Consultant again suggested surgery because based on Abah's report, an angioplasty will not help improve his situation. So eventually we agreed on doing an angiogram first as part of a pre-operation assessment and will go from there. An angiogram was set immediately on a Monday after Aidiladha. It was a public holiday due to the Sea Games 2017, but IJN still runs as usual for all his patients. We admitted Abah on Sunday 3 of September and the  procedure was held at the Invasive Cardiovascular Lab a Level 1 in IJN the next morning.

The angiogram results showed that Abah's heart was in overall doing fine, no major blockage can be seen. But the angiogram also confirmed that a stent is not the best option to improve Abah's valve. So we then waited for the Cardio-thoracic Surgeon to asses his report and plan for surgery. The surgeon we chose Mr Rais (I was told a surgeon is always titled 'Mr' instead of the usual Dr - long history to elaborate) was a busy man of course. It was only the next night that he had managed to meet us to explain the available options and the risks involved for Abah, including the choice in the valve - either tissue based (bovine) or mechanical ones. The mechanical one although would last longer has strings attached in the form of a lifetime reliance on Warfarin (the infamous anticoagulant aka blood thinning medication). We were also told to choose a surgery date before being discharged the next day and the date chosen must allow sufficient time for Abah to ensure that he has a clean bill of health from a dentist in regards to his teeth in time for surgery. So the date was set for the first week of October - the 2nd.

In the few days that we had after being discharge from IJN after the angiogram, we had done some research, received information from past patients that we knew and of course Abah's own preference, and finally he decided he'd want to go with the tissue based valve instead of the mechanical one. So that is settled then. 

We then had a tahlil function last week and invited all our relatives and neighbors, to join in prayers for Abah. May the outcome of his surgery be successful and his recovery be swift. Ameen.

Today - he will be admitted for his surgery on Monday. I will keep everyone posted through this blog from time to time.  Please pray that everything goes as planned, Insya Allah.

Saturday, July 29, 2017


Sometimes you find after all your hard works and efforts to ease other peoples' life's, there would still be one or two people who got your intention all wrong, see everything in a negative light and shows no sense of appreciation at all.

Yes, it's frustrating. But mostly to me; annoying. I meant not only you don't appreciate other people's efforts, but you take an additional step to put other people's down in order to build your own deluded self-image. I'm annoyed because you are such a waste of my time.

I have long accepted the fact that, I shall never receive any appreciation, recognition nor acknowledgement for all the good deeds I do from people. I should not be expecting any, because they are not the right person I should turned to. I am okay with that.

I just have no patience with pest. And there's just too many out there. They are not really important, but if you don't deal with or ignore them earlier on, they become a cancerous presence in your life.

Yes, a cancerous parasitism pest!

Tuesday, June 13, 2017


Day 13 Ramadan 1438h, 8 June 2017:

"Dan Kami wajibkan manusia berbuat baik kepada kedua ibu bapanya; ibunya telah mengandungnya dengan menanggung susah payah dan telah melahirkannya dengan menanggung susah payah. Sedang tempoh mengandungnya beserta dengan tempoh menceraikan susunya ialah dalam masa tiga puluh bulan. Setelah ia besar sampai ke peringkat dewasa yang sempurna kekuatannya dan sampai ke peringkat umur empat puluh tahun, berdoalah ia dengan berkata: "Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah daku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmatmu yang engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu bapaku, dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redai; dan jadikanlah sifat-sifat kebaikan meresap masuk ke dalam jiwa zuriat keturunanku. Sesungguhnya aku bertaubat kepadamu, dan sesungguhnya aku dari orang-orang Islam (yang tunduk patuh kepadamu)." ~ Surah Al-Ahqaf 46:15

Ameen Ya Rabbal A'lamin. 


You're not here to see me turned 40 today, Mama, which also marked your 40th year as our mom 😔😭. I have never been a fan of celebrating birthdays, but I do remember how lively you were when you celebrated ours. It would always be a joyous affairs. And here we are reaching this date in separate realms. I could wish for so many things, but for today and all other days onwards, I pray Allah showers His Mercy upon you, grants you respite until the day of judgement comes and reunite you with all her loved ones in Jannah. 

Dan Ya Allah, untukku, Engkau kasihanikanlah daku, Engkau berikanlahku hidayah dan petunjukMu agar aku senantiasa sedar yang aku hanyalah sekadar seorang Musafir menuju akhirat.

Ameen Ya Rabbal A'lamin

Celebrating Aliyah's belated birthday too :-)

Wednesday, May 31, 2017


It has been a month now since Mama left us. It's now our first Ramadan without her. So I told myself I would write this. But as the screen stares at me, tears come rolling down my face. I will write this for her. I will... I will, just in time for my 40th birthday. For now, let me 'enjoy' the few days before that date...

Friday, April 28, 2017


April will now be remembered as the month where all my family members near and far rallied together, giving us the support we need to provide the best care and comfort for Mama, especially for the past two weeks. No amount of gratitude can repay all the act of love and kindness they showed to her and all of us during those trying two weeks. May Allah reward all of them with Jannah, In Sya Allah. 

Sadly, at 10.15 pm on 24 April 2017 (Monday), Mama eventually succumbed to her illness and passed away surrounded by all her close family members :-((

إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ

Mama with Aliyah last October, before her health starts to deteriorate...

Mama's love, care and concern is the glue that bind all of us together. She shall be remembered in our prayers as such a person. May Allah forgive her for all misgivings and grant her Jannah. Ameen Ya Rabbal 'Alamin...

Her last birthday with all of us last December...
I kept repeating the past two weeks over and over again in my mind, but at the moment everything is too raw to be written down. Some day perhaps...

As for now, please rest Mama, I will do you proud and take care of everyone. May we all meet again some day in Jannah, In Sya Allah.