Friday, March 31, 2017

Uncertainties (2)

January 2017 started with uncertainties and basically ended with more uncertainties. But that is life, no matter how hard we try to assure certain things go the way we want them to be, nothing is definitive. Only Allah has that power, we only make plans. 

Mama has been diagnosed with cervical cancer for a while now. She first had her initial bleeding in June 2015, but she only had it checked in August 2015. She started treatment at the Cancer Institute in Putrajaya by late 2015 and completed her first round of combination treatment by May 2016. She had even managed to fast and celebrate Aidilfitri free of any for two months. But come Aidiladha, she started bleeding again. We went back to the oncologist at the Cancer Institute and made another rounds of check up. It was discovered that although her cervical cancer may have subsided but there were bit and pieces here and there and some of the cancer cells had metastasizes to her liver. She listened to the doctors with most of us there and was the one who finally made the decision to proceed with second bout of chemotherapy, a different type, a different dosage. None of us really said anything much, because seriously we are not sure what else to do. She started chemotherapy in November last year. Early this month, the doctors decided to stop Mama's 5th chemo cycle for her cervical cancer treatment for her platelet was going haywire. Further, her cervical bleeding is still ongoing, showing signs that the chemotherapy is not doing much for her. Her body could no longer take the chemo toxicity level. I personally feel they should have stopped it after the 3rd cycle, as they promised to do a review after the 3rd one initially, but they didn't. I meant it's pointless to proceed anymore if it's not doing much for her.

I was the one who finally got her officially 'discharged' from chemotherapy.
I stalked the doctor, until I got to meet her up and ask for a thorough explanation

It's been a month now. She's getting weaker by the day. She lost a total of almost 20 kg since her treatment last year. Funny, at one point she was saying - "I spent thousands of ringgit in my younger days to lose weight, but now I lose it effortlessly". In fact, she wasn't losing it effortlessly, she simply wasn't eating. 

Tomorrow, it's going to be April. In two months time, I turned 40. Will she still be there for me, to celebrate my 40th much uncertainties. But one thing is certain, we all love her dearly. Abah definitely. He's been going around trying to get her here and there for alternative treatment. I fear the day when he had to be seated, to accept all that is coming.

Please pray for my Mama, pray Allah ease her pain, pray she is granted Khusnul Khatimah.