As I sat down on the floor, facing my new bookshelves, I wonder what is it I've been doing for the past 2 years in UiTM. It's like the past 2 years had slipped through my fingers like a fist full of sand. I have nothing to show for the passing months. It's hateable, annoying, pathetic.
It's me without any halatuju.
People would say - come on, you're in the line of business where you're educating the younger generation. What better halatuju do you want or need??
Well, that's part of it. Part of a bigger aim. But the halatuju I'm referring to is more of something to improve myself. Some action I need to take to do something I like and am passionate about in my line of work. The thing is however, sometimes I know what it is that I like and am passionate about, some other times, I am not too sure.
UiTM is a working zone that makes me think, making me wondering of my worth, making me reconsidering my priorities. It's overwhelming most times, but at other times, I feel rather numb. UiTM is not a place of contrast, it usually tries to do what it aims to do. But as of late it tends to do so in such a 'rushed' manner, that made you want to feel sorry for yourself and the students.
True education cannot be rushed, it needs to be 'felt' before it reaches ones' heart and soul or else we'll just end up with mere graduates who hold dated-stamped papers. The truth is I've grown very fond of UiTM and to see myself with no halatuju in a uni that have a somewhat 'missed opportunity' halatuju, is sad and disappointing. I have high hopes for UiTM. I know we can do and be so much better. I know it can be done. But as we continue sailing through, while waiting for the winds to change course, I wonder if most would be as patient to stay on course, the current course. Despite most who sing their hearts out everytime the song 'UiTM di hatiku' is being played, the numbers who opted to go off course, escalate.
As for myself, I need to get back on, first - by finding my halatuju...