Sunday, December 31, 2017

2017 dalam kenangan

2017 ini istimewa buatku. Tempoh yang mengajar betapa pentingnya kehidupan dan kematian dan apa saja perkara di antaranya. Begitulah hakikatnya apabila hidup tahun ini berlatarbelakangkan pengalaman dari satu institut ke institut, IKN dan IJN. Sesungguhnya IKN dan IJN ini bagai langit dengan bumi dari banyak sisi. Hanya yang melalui keduanya akan memahami. Jadi akurlah apabila jadi insan terpilih.

In between my time at both institutes, I lost my mom to cancer and I went through another life and death situation with my dad's need to replace his heart valve 5 months after her death. It all felt like a dream, a bad one. But we went through it all and survived. Sadly, I still haven't found the time to properly jot down my thoughts in a coherent manner. Probably some day, when I need soothing from writing. As for now, life needs to be lived, and the time for reflections remained only in my mind and thoughts.

Somewhere in the midst of this all, at mid year, my term as the Head of Department came to an end. I made it clear, in fact, twice to my superior that I do not intend for my term to be renewed. Holding an administrative post when your passion is actually teaching is like watching your life passes through in front of your eyes in fast forward. It's fast-paced, meaningless, gone and forgotten in a few minutes. Never will I feel like doing it ever again. I applied for a teaching position and I intend to retire and continue working in this line, and not managing people who refused to be managed. But I understand now, even better than before that there's no point expecting others to understand your problems, for your problems are 'designed' especially only for you. So the only person that can deal with those problems is me, myself. I get that now. 

Going into 2018, there are still people I need to forgive, habits I need to let go and projects I need to pursue with a vengeance. I will eventually forgive as time helps to heal my pain, I will eventually reduced those bad habits of mine and I will start and complete those projects in due time. My mantra for 2018 is to have less junks in people I kept as my company, in goods and in my food intake. I wanna keep it simple. Simpler than 2017.

As you can see from my #2017bestnine on IG, my life is mostly for my family and I intend to keep it that way. In the end that's what's most important anyway - FAMILY.

So this is Life as I see it ~ NFN

Saturday, September 30, 2017

IJN Valve Replacement Surgery for Abah - Pre Operation

Fate had it that almost 5 months after Mama passed away, Abah's heart's (mitral) valve function is getting worst. He had bouts of  dizziness, fatigue, difficult to catch his breath and he was unable to maintain his regular activity sometimes several days in a week.

His regular check up was set for early August at the IJN. Results from his echo-gram showed that the opening and closing of the valve is getting lesser that his usual 1.8 cm (He'd been living with this 'size' for the past 5 years or so). The doctors then suggested surgery or angioplasty, but he told them he would discuss it with the rest of us first. A couple of weeks later he was again feeling light-headed, by now somewhat regular that usual. So we rushed him to the emergency at IJN and the trauma Dr monitored him and suggested another appointment with the Consultant Cardiologist the following week along with a stress test. 

On the day of the stress test, the Consultant again suggested surgery because based on Abah's report, an angioplasty will not help improve his situation. So eventually we agreed on doing an angiogram first as part of a pre-operation assessment and will go from there. An angiogram was set immediately on a Monday after Aidiladha. It was a public holiday due to the Sea Games 2017, but IJN still runs as usual for all his patients. We admitted Abah on Sunday 3 of September and the  procedure was held at the Invasive Cardiovascular Lab a Level 1 in IJN the next morning.

The angiogram results showed that Abah's heart was in overall doing fine, no major blockage can be seen. But the angiogram also confirmed that a stent is not the best option to improve Abah's valve. So we then waited for the Cardio-thoracic Surgeon to asses his report and plan for surgery. The surgeon we chose Mr Rais (I was told a surgeon is always titled 'Mr' instead of the usual Dr - long history to elaborate) was a busy man of course. It was only the next night that he had managed to meet us to explain the available options and the risks involved for Abah, including the choice in the valve - either tissue based (bovine) or mechanical ones. The mechanical one although would last longer has strings attached in the form of a lifetime reliance on Warfarin (the infamous anticoagulant aka blood thinning medication). We were also told to choose a surgery date before being discharged the next day and the date chosen must allow sufficient time for Abah to ensure that he has a clean bill of health from a dentist in regards to his teeth in time for surgery. So the date was set for the first week of October - the 2nd.

In the few days that we had after being discharge from IJN after the angiogram, we had done some research, received information from past patients that we knew and of course Abah's own preference, and finally he decided he'd want to go with the tissue based valve instead of the mechanical one. So that is settled then. 

We then had a tahlil function last week and invited all our relatives and neighbors, to join in prayers for Abah. May the outcome of his surgery be successful and his recovery be swift. Ameen.

Today - he will be admitted for his surgery on Monday. I will keep everyone posted through this blog from time to time.  Please pray that everything goes as planned, Insya Allah.

Saturday, July 29, 2017


Sometimes you find after all your hard works and efforts to ease other peoples' life's, there would still be one or two people who got your intention all wrong, see everything in a negative light and shows no sense of appreciation at all.

Yes, it's frustrating. But mostly to me; annoying. I meant not only you don't appreciate other people's efforts, but you take an additional step to put other people's down in order to build your own deluded self-image. I'm annoyed because you are such a waste of my time.

I have long accepted the fact that, I shall never receive any appreciation, recognition nor acknowledgement for all the good deeds I do from people. I should not be expecting any, because they are not the right person I should turned to. I am okay with that.

I just have no patience with pest. And there's just too many out there. They are not really important, but if you don't deal with or ignore them earlier on, they become a cancerous presence in your life.

Yes, a cancerous parasitism pest!

Tuesday, June 13, 2017


Day 13 Ramadan 1438h, 8 June 2017:

"Dan Kami wajibkan manusia berbuat baik kepada kedua ibu bapanya; ibunya telah mengandungnya dengan menanggung susah payah dan telah melahirkannya dengan menanggung susah payah. Sedang tempoh mengandungnya beserta dengan tempoh menceraikan susunya ialah dalam masa tiga puluh bulan. Setelah ia besar sampai ke peringkat dewasa yang sempurna kekuatannya dan sampai ke peringkat umur empat puluh tahun, berdoalah ia dengan berkata: "Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah daku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmatmu yang engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu bapaku, dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redai; dan jadikanlah sifat-sifat kebaikan meresap masuk ke dalam jiwa zuriat keturunanku. Sesungguhnya aku bertaubat kepadamu, dan sesungguhnya aku dari orang-orang Islam (yang tunduk patuh kepadamu)." ~ Surah Al-Ahqaf 46:15

Ameen Ya Rabbal A'lamin. 


You're not here to see me turned 40 today, Mama, which also marked your 40th year as our mom 😔😭. I have never been a fan of celebrating birthdays, but I do remember how lively you were when you celebrated ours. It would always be a joyous affairs. And here we are reaching this date in separate realms. I could wish for so many things, but for today and all other days onwards, I pray Allah showers His Mercy upon you, grants you respite until the day of judgement comes and reunite you with all her loved ones in Jannah. 

Dan Ya Allah, untukku, Engkau kasihanikanlah daku, Engkau berikanlahku hidayah dan petunjukMu agar aku senantiasa sedar yang aku hanyalah sekadar seorang Musafir menuju akhirat.

Ameen Ya Rabbal A'lamin

Celebrating Aliyah's belated birthday too :-)

Wednesday, May 31, 2017


It has been a month now since Mama left us. It's now our first Ramadan without her. So I told myself I would write this. But as the screen stares at me, tears come rolling down my face. I will write this for her. I will... I will, just in time for my 40th birthday. For now, let me 'enjoy' the few days before that date...

Friday, April 28, 2017


April will now be remembered as the month where all my family members near and far rallied together, giving us the support we need to provide the best care and comfort for Mama, especially for the past two weeks. No amount of gratitude can repay all the act of love and kindness they showed to her and all of us during those trying two weeks. May Allah reward all of them with Jannah, In Sya Allah. 

Sadly, at 10.15 pm on 24 April 2017 (Monday), Mama eventually succumbed to her illness and passed away surrounded by all her close family members :-((

إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ

Mama with Aliyah last October, before her health starts to deteriorate...

Mama's love, care and concern is the glue that bind all of us together. She shall be remembered in our prayers as such a person. May Allah forgive her for all misgivings and grant her Jannah. Ameen Ya Rabbal 'Alamin...

Her last birthday with all of us last December...
I kept repeating the past two weeks over and over again in my mind, but at the moment everything is too raw to be written down. Some day perhaps...

As for now, please rest Mama, I will do you proud and take care of everyone. May we all meet again some day in Jannah, In Sya Allah.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Uncertainties (2)

January 2017 started with uncertainties and basically ended with more uncertainties. But that is life, no matter how hard we try to assure certain things go the way we want them to be, nothing is definitive. Only Allah has that power, we only make plans. 

Mama has been diagnosed with cervical cancer for a while now. She first had her initial bleeding in June 2015, but she only had it checked in August 2015. She started treatment at the Cancer Institute in Putrajaya by late 2015 and completed her first round of combination treatment by May 2016. She had even managed to fast and celebrate Aidilfitri free of any for two months. But come Aidiladha, she started bleeding again. We went back to the oncologist at the Cancer Institute and made another rounds of check up. It was discovered that although her cervical cancer may have subsided but there were bit and pieces here and there and some of the cancer cells had metastasizes to her liver. She listened to the doctors with most of us there and was the one who finally made the decision to proceed with second bout of chemotherapy, a different type, a different dosage. None of us really said anything much, because seriously we are not sure what else to do. She started chemotherapy in November last year. Early this month, the doctors decided to stop Mama's 5th chemo cycle for her cervical cancer treatment for her platelet was going haywire. Further, her cervical bleeding is still ongoing, showing signs that the chemotherapy is not doing much for her. Her body could no longer take the chemo toxicity level. I personally feel they should have stopped it after the 3rd cycle, as they promised to do a review after the 3rd one initially, but they didn't. I meant it's pointless to proceed anymore if it's not doing much for her.

I was the one who finally got her officially 'discharged' from chemotherapy.
I stalked the doctor, until I got to meet her up and ask for a thorough explanation

It's been a month now. She's getting weaker by the day. She lost a total of almost 20 kg since her treatment last year. Funny, at one point she was saying - "I spent thousands of ringgit in my younger days to lose weight, but now I lose it effortlessly". In fact, she wasn't losing it effortlessly, she simply wasn't eating. 

Tomorrow, it's going to be April. In two months time, I turned 40. Will she still be there for me, to celebrate my 40th much uncertainties. But one thing is certain, we all love her dearly. Abah definitely. He's been going around trying to get her here and there for alternative treatment. I fear the day when he had to be seated, to accept all that is coming.

Please pray for my Mama, pray Allah ease her pain, pray she is granted Khusnul Khatimah. 


Thursday, February 16, 2017

Seminar Companies Act 2016’s Implementation

So, life must go on...

Next immediate project will be handling the Seminar on the "Companies Act 2016's Implementation".

The Companies Act 2106 is now in its first implementation phase starting from the end of January 2017. It’s a brand new statute with some major changes that totally revamp how company law and its compliance is dealt with.

So I thought organizing a seminar would be the next best thing to going for a holiday... haha

Anyway, please click the link above for further details. I hope the seminar will help especially academics who need to prep for the new company law course soon. It will be a transitioning period for all, and hopefully the seminar will shed some light on how we prepare for the new implementation of the Companies Act 2016.

 The main topics of discussion would be:
  • “Implementation and enforcement of the Companies Act 2016: Key Changes”
  • “Companies Act 2016 vs Companies Act 1965: Academic issues in transition”

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Uncertainties (1)

January 2017 started with uncertainties and basically ended with more uncertainties. But that is life, no matter how hard we try to assure certain things go the way we want them to be, nothing is definitive. Only Allah has that power, we only make plans.

Earlier in the month, formal schools started for 3 of my children this year. Aliyah was supposed to start in a new school and Luqman of course just joined in formal schooling this year. It was an exciting and stressful time for everyone, actually. However, things became even more stressful, when Aliyah didn't get a place in SMAP Kajang. I purposely chose that school in the SBP form, because I wanted to her pursue whatever she's been learning during her KAFA days, including her Arabic which she was rather good at. We went around to see the school and she had approved of it. In addition, it was rather close to my parents's house in Kajang so that would make even easier for visitations purposes.

For a while, it was a rather disappointing and uncertain time because I didn't register her to any of the school nearby our home, except for all the Sekolah Kawalan (which we only chose 2, instead of the usual 4). When the time came for the result for Sekolah Kawalan - her first choice of school, an SMKA, SMK Agama Sheikh Haji Mohd Said, also known as SHAMS in Sikamat had also turned her down. I was getting sleepless night. I don't understand what was going on. I heard many version of rationales. It appears most SMKAs don't wanna consider students with good results for fear they will be snatched away by SBPs and MRSMs. Anyway, since the result for MRSM is yet to be out by then, so we appealed for both SBP and SHAMS. I changed from SMAP Kajang to SMAP Labu instead, for I heard there's a stiff competition for placement in SMAP Kajang. So the few days between all the rejections and what happened next cause a lot frustration on my part. Aliyah in the meantime appears to be rather nonchalant.

By the end of December, I receive a call from the State's Education Department, stating that Aliyah is offered a place at SMK King George V (popularly known as KGV), in Seremban town. KGV was her second choice of Sekolah Kawalan. KGV is the best daily school in Seremban. So we gladly accepted the offer, thinking at least now she'll have a school while we wait for all the appeals. I registered her in the first week, bought all the relevant things that she needs for the moment for the school, since it didn't cost us more that RM80 (inclusive of her School T-shirt). Then, something great happened.

KGV has been running a Kelas Aliran Agama (KAA) for the past 4 years with a Tahfiz curriculum for a number of students in the school. Students who secured a place in the KAA would usually be boarded in a nearby hostel for the school. So the first week of school, while also monitoring Luqman at his school and Aliyah attending her school's orientation, I ran around KGV, met up with this teacher and that teacher, went up and down the State's Education Department twice, wrote an appeal letter and buat muka seposen calling here and there, praying hard so just to get Aliyah a placement in the KAA class. Alhamdulillah, finally by the end of the first week, a light beamed through, and she was deemed qualified to join the class and a couple of days later we enrolled her into her hostel nearby the school. (let's have that story another day)

In between this process, ironically the State's Education Department called informing us that our appeal for SHAMS has been approved, but we decided to reject it for various reasons. KGV is an English niche school, absorbing the Dual Language Program to the core, hence, Maths and Science will be taught in English for everyone in Form 1. And now since Aliyah is in KAA with the Tahfiz classes, she gets the best of both worlds, not to mention the ability to still mingle with students from other ethnicity in KGV. And the best part, although she was taking time to adapt to hostel life, she actually enjoyed the school very much. She was always excited to talk about what happened in school. So we took that as our sign that KGV is the best for her. In fact, when the MRSM result came out last week, we are so sure we will also reject the offer. She was offered a place in MRSM Alor Gajah which caters for the Cambridge IGCSE curriculum, which I think would do nothing much more for her. Her English is almost impeccable, and KGV is already teaching Maths and Science in English. What she will be getting from the KAA class will be more that what the MRSM will be able to provide for her. In fact, she had already started her Quranic Classes and starting memorizing all the short verses of Juzu' 30. So what more can we be asking for...May Allah have mercy on her and our family and help her in her striving for knowledge for both this world and the hereafter.
A Georgian now :-)

On a side note - I am actually fed up and annoyed with the way the SBPs and the MRSMs system are managing their placement offers. They caused parents and students so much heartache and stress for not being able to sort things out between themselves and issue their offers at the same time. I don't understand why MRSM had to start classes in February every year. Don't they know that parents would have already spent so much money in the initial school their children were enrolled in?? I don't understand why if students were offered a place in SBPs, they can no longer get a placement in MRSMs. Then why do you allow them to apply for both SBP and MRSM in the first place??? Is this some sort of a popularity contest? Weighing in whether there are more applications for SBP or MRSM that year? And then campak them here and there??? I simply don't get it!!! And due to what happened with Aliyah, I have decided in the future, I will no longer consider SBPs and MRSMs anymore for all my children. I will apply for the Sekolah Kawalan, yes. But I have no interest anymore to be sucked into the level of uncertainties created by their so called elitist 'mismanagement'.