Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Submission day..

My submission day was made very special, not so much because it was the day of the submission of the thesis, but because what I actually did the whole day. It was a full day and Alhamdulillah, with the grace of Allah, I managed to spend it with friends instead of rushing through everything till the very end. Looking back, I know for sure that the whole day would not run as smooth as it had without Him and in actual fact, a whole lot can be done in a day if we planned them well. 


So it started with me taking an early morning bus and train to the city. First stop was Flinders Street. 
Flinders Street Station
I met up with Rozi at the station around 10 am and we were both off to meet Aunty (Datin Paduka) Anismah and her daughter’s family at no 555 Flinders Street. I got to know Aunty Anismas here in Melbourne during my parents visit last January. We have also met sometime in KL last February during a workshop. She brought me to her place and all. Despite her position as an active NGO’s activist nowadays, she was very nice and humble.  At her daughter’s place she treated us with nasi beriani for breakfast! :-D ( Ini dipanggil langkah kanan!) She really loves to cook when she has the time and during her short stay in Melbourne, she cooked all the main Malaysian signature dish almost every day for her daughter’s family.

Rozi with Alana Hesa :-) (Aunty's granddaughter)
Next, after saying our farewell, both of us were off to University of Melbourne to have coffee with Noreen. (Imran – you are supposed to be there too! Hehe) I also get to know Noreen and her family here in Melbourne.  Both Noreen and husband Imran are still striving to finalise their PhD thesis at the Uni. Throughout these 4 years, although we studied at different universities, we have actually grown very close – considering, especially Imran you are from UiTM too, with all the bureaucratic issues that we need to deal with and gossiped about :-P!! (cepatlah habis kan! Boleh buat lawak2 bodoh kat whatsapp pulak haha)
Rozi with Noreen
On the way to have coffee at the Melbourne Uni’s Union House, I received a call from La Trobe Uni’s Campus Graphic stating that the thesis that I sent to them late yesterday have been bound and are ready for collection, Alhamdulillah. We chat for awhile with Noreen and after coffee we took some short snaps here and there, wished Noreen all the best and we were off to one last City stop – Australia on Collins.  Hehe, no shopping involved.



I merely wanted to see the hanging umbrellas. I first saw them on Adli’s (another Melbourne Uni’s student) Facebook’s, and I thought – that’s not only creative but in my view beautiful (Thanks Adli for having ‘an eye’ for such things).


Soon, with mixed feelings, it’s time to go our separate ways. Thank you Rozi for spending the day with me! I took a bus to La Trobe Uni and reached there by 3.30 pm and dropped by the Campus Graphic to collect the thesis. I brought all 4 copies back to Simon’s office for his signature. While I went up to my office to get all the forms, he had managed to play one last joke on me – he had hid one copy of the thesis somewhere in his office. By the time I reached back downstairs, he said – so only 3 copies, right? I checked the box and found only 3 copies in it. Then, I said something like – I’m sure I took 4 copies just now. Then, he laughed and took out the one he had hidden from me – saying, Oh, I am only testing you (haha sabar jerlah!)

I'm so sure they were 4 copies - cause I got pic of them :-)
I also need the Head of School signature on the form. Again, Alhamdulillah, not only that her office was next to Simon's, but we actually managed to catch her in her office, on her last day before a long leave. She asked me to make a summary of my findings, which I did (hesitantly, I might add – a bit rusty after 4 years hehe) and signed the form. Then, I head to the Research office, meeting up with Kak Sham and Kak Nani (both PhD students at LTU) on the way as they've asked to accompany me – nak dpt aura kata mereka haha. So we went to the office together and submitted the thesis, Alhamdulillah.

With Kak Nani
With Kak Sham and Dr Jay from the Research Office :-)
Later, I went around the library and the Agora one last time. Will surely missed the library and the Agora! 


In the library with the Agora in the background 
Kak Sham followed me back to my office, meeting up Simon one last time, where he gave me some advice on the future :-P and saying our final goodbyes. I will surely miss him and his jokes :-(


With Simon :-)
Kak Sham stayed with me helping me clearing the office till almost 11 pm.  Thank you Kak Sham! You are a gem!! Then, she sent me home, and another round of cleaning up needed to be done at home too. Yes it was tiring, a very long day but, not stressful as I thought it would be and it was definitely one of the most memorable days of my life. Ya Allah, I am ever so grateful. Let your grace and mercy fall on all of us, Insya Allah.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Kisah & Kasih

Kelmarin sedang melihat-lihat gambar-gambar terakhir di lapangan terbang Melbourne sebelum berangkat pulang, terasa agak tersentuh, bukan sahaja kerana rindu pada sahabat-sahabat yang masih di sana, tetapi juga kerana terasa bersalah kerana sudah lama tidak menulis. 4 bulan kebelakangan ini banyak sungguh perkara yang berlaku, tetapi dek kerana mengisahkan suntingan terakhir tesisku, semuanya hanya tinggal dalam lipatan sejarah. Apabila aku belek-belek diariku dari 2 minggu terakhir bulan Mac sehinggalah beberapa minggu kebelakangan ini, setiap hari hanya ada satu dua catatan ‘petanda’ apakah kepentingan kisah setiap hari-hari tertentu. Sayang sekali kemungkinan untuk mengisahkan semuanya mungkin telah terlepas.

Tetapi apabila mengingati semula detik-detik terakhir di Melbourne, aku berasakan aku harus mencuba mencoretkan semula beberapa kisah penting paling tidak untuk tatapan aku dan keluarga, dan mana tahu ada kisah-kisah tersebut punya faedah bagi pembaca lain. Hehe...itupun kalau masih ada yang membaca.  Kadang-kadang walaupun salah satu hobiku sejak kecil adalah menulis, bukan mudah nak meluahkannya ke atas sekeping kertas, blog mahupun FB. Ada hati yang perlu dijaga, aib yang diperlu diselindungi dan rahsia yang perlu dikekalkan di dalam hati. Aku berdoa agar dalam penulisan –penulisan seterusnya kelak, prinsip-prinsip ini aku pegang seteguh mungkin, Insya Allah.



One last coffee session together... 
Entah bila bisa mengopi begini lagi :-(


One last group shot at the airport ...

Buat kali ini, coretan ini hanya sebagai luahan terima kasih kepada semua yang telah menyumbang di dalam perjalanan PhD ku ini.  Aku kini kembali sebagai ‘rakyat biasa’, selepas 4 tahun diamanahkan menjadi pelajar sepenuh masa PhD. Sesungguhnya pelbagai kenangan pahit, manis telah ditempuhi dalam masa 4 tahun ini. Sekiranya ada yang bertanya apakah harus mereka melanjutkan pelajaran ke peringkat doktor falsafah, pasti jawapanku berbeza-beza mengikut siapa yang bertanya. Usah ditanya kenapa, sebab adat meletakkan keadilan ke atas jawapan persoalan itu membutuhkan begitu... 

Walau apapun, aku seisi keluarga sangat-sangat berterima kasih kepada semua yang telah membantu secara langsung dan tidak langsung, dan yang turut mendoakan kami sekeluarga sepanjang berada di Australia. Ampun dan maaf ku pohon seandainya selama ini ada salah dan silap kami sekeluarga dan terkasar bahasa terhadap semua ahli keluarga kami dan teman-teman sepanjang kami menetap dan berurusan baik di Australia, mahupun Malaysia. Minta dihalalkan makan dan minum aku sekeluarga dan sekiranya ada hutang-hutang yang belum selesai dan barangan yang belum dituntut sila maklumkan kepadaku.

Sesunggguhnya aku jua sangat terharu dan berterima kasih kepada teman-teman yang sudi menceriakan hati dan berkongsi kisah dan kasih denganku dalam mengharungi hampir 4 bulan terakhir dalam usaha menamatkan perjuanganku tanpa suami dan anak-anak di Melbourne. Alhamdulillah kerana dipertemukan aku dengan semua sahabat-sahabat yang baik ini. Sesungguhnya budi baik dan kasih sayang mereka semua hanya Allah yang bisa membalasnya. Aku akan senantiasa mendoakan teman-teman yang masih di dalam perjuangan semoga segala urusan anda semua dipermudahkan Allah hendaknya dan bakal bertemu titik akhir yang mereka semua impikan, Amin.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Bangkit!!

Di kala ramai yang mempersoalkan logo dan lagu tema hari kemerdekaan kali ke 55 di merata-rata alam maya dan nyata, muncul lagu ini. Aku fikir sangat wajar lagu ini diketengahkan, hayati liriknya dan kesungguhan artis-artis berkenaan memartabatkan penggunaan tulisan jawi di dalam video musik mereka ini.




Lirik Lagu: Bangkit - DJ Fuzz ft. Altimet & Salam


Bangkit bila ditolak jatuh bangunlah semula
Bangkit bila diluka nanti pulihlah semula
Bangkit biar bersusah dulu nanti senang semua
Sakit pada luka kan pulih semula
Bangkit


Dengan nama yang Maha Esa
Maafkan aku aku terlena
Mata buka tapi aku leka
Sekarang kita sedia pasang deria kita lebih peka


Siap gerak gempur
Siap rentak tempur
Redah onak lumpur
Maju tiada undur
Tak kenal uzur hingga jasad kita terkubur
Kalau kurang kaki tangan lutut dan siku dihulur


Ini malam kita pakai tanjak songsang
Askar jati gerak senyap yang lain berkompang
Berani segorombolan tak takut bila seorang
Kuatkan benteng jangan ada yang berlobang


Bangkit bila ditolak jatuh bangunlah semula
Bangkit bila diluka nanti pulihlah semula
Bangkit biar bersusah dulu nanti senang semua
Sakit pada luka kan pulih semula


Bangkit bila ditolak jatuh bangunlah semula
Bangkit bila dijajah boleh tawanlah semula
Bangkit ingat ketua dulu supaya jalan lurus
Kalau tidak ditepi bendung ku tak berakar


Sabit kau umpama cahaya
Yang menyinari bumi
Kau umpama Hang Jebat
Yang melindungi hak dirinya
Kau umpama senjata
Yang melindungi tanah
Sememangnya pendekar yang gagah perkasa


Mana Tun Fatimah
Mana semangat Tun Teja Datuk Maharajalela
Mana cucu Datuk Merah
Keberanian Sarjan Hassan dan Leftenan Adnan
Mari memartabatkan perjuangan Datuk Bahaman


Keris dulu dalam tangan sekarang dalam otak
Paling tajam tak perlu hunus keluar tengkorak
Catur congak cukup sebelum langkah diorak
Tanpa rancangan rapi dah tentu kemenangan rosak


Rapat-rapatkan saf dan buka kuda-kuda
Bila bersatu tunggu lihat siapa berani cuba
Yang akan datang menaruh pada yang semasa
Bangkitlah nusantara


Bangkit bila ditolak jatuh bangunlah semula
Bangkit bila diluka nanti pulihlah semula
Bangkit biar bersusah dulu nanti senang semua
Sakit pada luka kan pulih semula


Bangkit bila ditolak jatuh bangunlah semula
Bangkit bila dijajah boleh tawanlah semula
Bangkit ingat ketua dulu supaya jalan lurus
Kalau tidak ditepi bendung ku tak berakar


Jadi bangkit berkumpul di bawah panji berbulan sabit
Tak sujud pada sesiapa di bawah langit
Tak mengalah walaupun betapa sakit
Sebelum layar bahtera mari kita


Berakit-rakit ke hulu berenang-renang ke tepian
Bersakit-sakit dahulu bersenang senang kemudian
Kemudian


Bangkit bila ditolak jatuh bangunlah semula
Bangkit bila diluka nanti pulihlah semula
Bangkit biar bersusah dulu nanti senang semua
Sakit pada luka kan pulih semula


Bangkit.. bangunlah semula
Bangkit.. tawanlah semula
Bangkit.. umpama cahaya

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Dahulu...

Aku rindu menulis 
Aku rindu membaca 
Aku rindu berfikir 
Aku rindu kenai'fan 
Aku rindu ketelusan 
Aku rindu diriku suatu masa dahulu 


Aku rindu Bukit Petaling 
Aku rindu Brickfields 
Aku rindu Kg Bharu 
Aku rindu Lembah Pantai 
Ya mungkin jua aku rindu Ampang, mungkin... 
Aku rindu tempat jatuh mainku suatu masa dahulu 


Aku rindu pada apa sahaja A 
Aku rindu pada apa sahaja B 
Aku rindu pada apa sahaja C 
Ya mungkin aku jua turut rindu pada apa sahaja D 
Aku rindu sebuah kehidupan yang dahulunya semudah pengucapan A, B, C dan D 


Aku rindu segala-galanya dahulu 
Mungkinkah aku rindu seorang aku yang dahulu 
Namun, mana mungkin kembalinya aku ke waktu itu 
Maka yang tinggal hanyalah sebuah kerinduan pada dahulu...


Ramadhan Kareem. Semoga Ramadhan kita kali ini lebih baik daripada yang sebelumnya, Insya Allah.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Let's talk about love...

Well, maybe let’s not... Is there any sense in talking at all? Aren’t you supposed to feel love and not talk about it? But then again, what is love? Love is said to be one of the greatest blessings Allah has bestowed on humanity. There’s all kinds of love. But what is it – really?

Some went searching till their hearts bleed. Some was ‘lucky’ enough to have thought they found it and was so deeply in love that they find it difficult to breathe, so ‘uplifting’ that they walk in a smiling daze all day long, so intoxicating that they are willing to fight for their love, protect it, defend it, die for it!

Then suddenly – well maybe not sudden enough – they found themselves out of love. Isn’t it ironic that when people are deeply in love, they thought it suffice to just ‘feel’ the love, but when they fell out of it, they feel the need to ‘talk’ about it? Somewhat pointless...So they looked back and wondered that perhaps it was wrong to be so in love. Maybe it was an error of judgement – not that anyone can make a rationalised judgement when they were so in love. That perhaps they were blinded that they could not see through the true colours of their love interest. Yes, they were just being foolish. And yes, they were just being human. It’s in their nature to feel love. Indeed, Allah has created human in such a way that naturally people will take pleasure from loving and being loved. But whether they do so ‘intelligently’ is another question altogether...

It’s also human nature to hope for a fairy tale ending. A happy ending! But, we often missed a point. As much as love can create that feeling of surreal bliss, it can also hurts like hell!! As Jean Anouilh once said, “there is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy. Remember the times, when we would cry our hearts out on the edge our beds, at a particular corner of our rooms, – well, my ol’ favourite – in the showers, and on the prayer mats! These are times we would soon want to forget, but they are also times when we would often questioned, how can this feeling called ‘love’, be a blessing? We feel so much pain that we fear that our hearts will just stop beating. Perhaps one of our to do list then, is just to corner ourselves and take out this organ called heart so that we will no longer feel so heartbroken!!

But then, most of the time, we tend to mend our hearts. We learn to forgive or forget or both. We thought, we should move on. So we did, until we were hurt once again. Perhaps, that is what love is all about - a cycle of happiness and pain from time to time. It is the life cycle of love. You fall in and out of love. There’s utter happiness and then there’s excruciating pain. It is a blessing – because truthfully, for most people, every time this so called ‘love’ hurts us, we would seek Allah’s compassion to ease the pain, to lead the way for a better , brighter day. Let’s admit it, not many would remember love as a blessing if it has been an eternal state of happiness. We would have less appreciation of love. If such is the case there's no use for the saying by Alfred Lord Tennyson “'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”?

People do all sorts of thing because of love. Some good, some bad. But, whatever we do for love, at the end of the day it should have been done for the sake of Allah. Perhaps this is where most people missed a very important quest in love – we should love as the Prophet (saw) said only for the purpose of seeking the approval of Allah:

Whoever loves for Allah's sake, hates for Allah's sake, gives for Allah's sake and withholds for God's sake has a perfect faith. (Abu Dawud)

In another hadith, the Prophet was quoted stating:
There are three qualities whosoever has them will taste the sweetness of Iman: loving Allah and His Messenger above all else, loving someone solely for the sake of Allah, and hating to return to disbelief after Allah has rescued him from it, as much as he would hate being thrown into Hellfire." (Sahih Bukhari).

In matters of love, of course if we were Muslims, we should look up to these qualities. But we are but human, as we continue striving to achieve such qualities, actually achieving them remain to be seen and in some cases becomes in itself a test of faith.

Imagine a person trapped in a loveless situation, living in a constant state of a broken heart. Should he or she somewhat accept the fact that this life is a transit and continually striving to fulfil the above qualities, and therefore choose to remain in such relationship? Should he or she continue praying that change is inevitable and that there’s hope along the way for renewed love? Is he or she more righteous then? Or continually being in such situation simply represented a state of injustice or a state of false pretence? Does that make one less righteous? Where do we draw the line? Should we be fearful of drawing that line?

Indeed, in the matters of love we fear many things. We fear losing loved ones, we fear being rejected, we fear being unloved, we fear unrequited love, we fear we will be confined by unwanted love, and we fear losing love, but we often forget to be fearful that Allah will shun us for our lack of love for Him. It is not easy. It’s a constant struggle, to always remind ourselves that we are merely a servant of Allah and as long as we live within the conception of love acquired through faith and living by the moral values of the Qur'an, He will bestow His love on us, Insya Allah. Allah reveals in Surah Maryam verse 96:
As for those who believe and do right actions, the All-Merciful will bestow His love on them.

In the end, sometimes, we just have to accept the fact that some love are meant only for the hereafter... :’(  

Allah says in the Quran, Surah Al-Furqan verses 15-16:
Ask them, “Is this (the Fire) better, or the Everlasting Gardens which have been promised to the God-fearing,  righteous people (men and women)?”.   That will be the recompense of their good deeds and the final destination of their journey, wherein, they will get everything they desire and wherein they will dwell forever.   This is a promise which your Lord has taken upon Himself to fulfill.

As solemn as the thought may be for us mortal souls, we must have faith that as true believers someday we will be rejoined and rejoiced in paradise, Insya Allah :-).