Monday, November 25, 2013

Can you see what I see?

Nothing can hide the fact that I am very disappointed with my current predicament. Alhamdulillah, there must be some wisdom behind it all that I am yet to understand or will ever be made to understand.

But if by showing my disappointment somehow translated as me being demanding, ungrateful, and troublesome, then I guess you don’t really know me.

Full Stop

Well, at least that was what, and how I felt last week. This week I am too tired chasing after my hours and hours of classes that I cannot feel anything much except for exhaustion. I guess age is catching up with me or it's the stress of having too many teaching hours. But I really do love my job. It's just that I can't say I have equivalent feelings for the people who runs this place where I spent most hours of my day. Yes, not everyone wanted to be here, and do this. I do, well at least I still feel like doing it, but not at the expense of my health. They said they'll pay us for those extra hours. But I can't take that money if I can't perform, if I'm too exhausted to even speak and handle classes, and thus perform half-heartedly. 

Seriously, for as long as this place runs two main academic calendars (degrees & diplomas) with inadequate personnel and facilities, on a non parallel schedule, nothing much will change. This is total 'crapness' of the highest order, especially when we are all stressed into running an overlapped academic sessions!!!

Nowadays, not only that the powers that be thought everything is under control, (because they never had to teach more than 10 hours per week anyway) and continue with less than average welfare concerns for this dying breed of passionate lecturers, even some of the students carry themselves as if being here is a birth right of theirs and they can do no wrong. But of course, there will be days, when students whom you gave your trust and respect, respect you back by being trustworthy, respectable and reliable. Alhamdulillah, that really made everything worth the while.

You can't help but prayed and wished for so many things, but that only leads to frustration, then frustration only leads to stress. So I thought I'd stopped wondering and work at how to make my students learn how to learn. In fact, even that at times leads to frustration. But at least I think I have some amount of 'control' over what I want them to learn. I believe a good change always starts small but consistent. Istiqamah, that's the key. But seriously, at times it's difficult to be consistent, when you're simply fed up with things. It's like I thought I'm making progress, but the truth is I'm barely moving. But I can't give up, right? Soldier on, right? Well, whatever it is this song really says it all, my brain is too exhausted to make my own conclusion:

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

Steady hands just take the wheel
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal
For the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Can you see what I see?

Monday, November 18, 2013

Barrakallah, one sis down, one more to go ;-)

Alhamdulillah and our heartiest congratulations to my sister Nurkhairiah Nawi for her marriage solemnization to her beau Hidayatullah Zulkarnaim, a wonderful guy we met while performing our Umrah with our father earlier this year.

Barakallahu fikum. We are extremely happy for both of them. We pray their love will last till Jannah, In Sha Allah 

Monday, November 11, 2013

Guess what?? A Bus Slammed into Aliyah's School

Ironic Motto eh??
Yesterday, Aliyah came home and she seemed over excited about something. "Mama, Aliyah ada surprise!" she said. Then she went chattering tak cukup nafas. What I heard initially, was about guard, bus langgar tanda nama sekolah baru habis rosak, baru jer buat. Kesian yang buat tu...

So I told her to take her showers and come tell me the whole story again. Only when I got this pic, courtesy of my friendNurul Mazrah ( & her cousin) do I see how serious the matter was.

The driver of this express bus, had lost control of the bus and slammed into the gates/walls and the guard house of the school. The building next to the guard house by a couple of inches was Aliyah's classroom block. 

Alhamdulillah, it was recess time. All the girls were having their break in the middle of the school away from the main gates. I heard two adults were injured, including the guard, whom Aliyah claimed was a new guard. Pity her. But it could've been so much worst. Alhamdulillah, none of the girls, who were between 7-9 was injured. 

And while others would be busy discussing how negligent the driver was, Aliyah was busy chattering about the 'excitement' of what happened and how her friends were passing information about the whole incident from one friend to another, turning all of them into Detective Conan  Children's mind at work.

Well, that's really a school end to 2013 to be remembered by all of them. Whatever it is, I am sure everyone is glad they are all safe and sound, Alhamdulillah.

P/S: I read this and terasa spt membuat karangan 'laporan' masa sekolah rendah pulak 

Thursday, November 7, 2013


I recently post this on FB.

I didn't know what made it clicks, but I guess it relates to lots of my friends too.

And admitting I am married to a clean freak is somewhat liberating. It was never easy. I have come up with various defense mechanism to face the strains. Some were so high drama escape, I doubt I will ever do it ever again in my life time hehe...I guess I am aging. But wasn't I all the while :-D 

Here's the post:


I just saw Ustaz Dr. Zaharuddin Abd Rahman's posting about his maid running away on FB and I was rather 'wowed!' He even posted her passport picture, advising people against hiring her. He must have been really annoyed (not the best choice of word in this case, tp sbb Ustaz punya pasai, let's be subtle :-P). Definitely ini ujian untuk beliau. Which part is the Ujian - is not on me to point.

Anyway, I have never experienced a maid in my own household. I, myself was cared by a couple of local maids, though. Do I like it? No. Ask me again? Still, it's going to be a NO. So I don't wish my children to be cared by one too. That was my personal experience, some others may view it differently. And my husband also supported me. And Alhamdulillah, we're still managing without one.

But it was never easy to do everything on our own. Countless hours were spent 'bertekak' on household chores and how it was supposed to be done. My husband is a clean freak, but he's immuned to 'mess', while I am not a freakishly clean person, but I can't stand messiness. Imagine the frustration and chaos.

As time goes by, we learn to adapt and we're still learning. He tried to tone down his 'cleaning system' and most times did everything by himself (hooray!). He's the 'master' of the laundry and 'non-sticky' cleaned-floor . While I learn to simply close both my eyes to all the mess in the house, and open one of them when I think it has got out of hand. Some days, if I can't stand it, I chose my best ammo - the silent treatment. (It works like a charm, by the way haha).

My house no longer looks like I bought the whole of IKEA, but my husband couldn't care less. So I thought why stress myself out. As long as the children are happy, well-fed, disciplined and counselled over performing their prayers, their school work and get them helping with some house chores, and we managed to get them out of the house to their designated places everyday, and both of us to work and then safely got them back home - then we are extremely grateful, Alhamdulillah. We have a clean bed, bath, cloth, utensils and surrounded with lots of books. Just what we needed, so we're fine In Sha Allah.

On a side, but related note:

Sometimes, some friends would mentioned those daily maids that come to help you with chores to be paid by the hour.

One day I told my husband - "Hey, they paid RM8 an hour for those maids that come to clean your house, you know. Maybe you should pay me that instead (every time I do housework)."

And he asked: "How about me, then?"

I simply said: "Nope, you don't need to get paid, because you're supposed to do all of this!"