Saturday, December 21, 2013

Leave or be left...

It has been a blurry couple of days.

I started the week dreaming of a few people I really cared about. Funny, I can't be sure the feeling is reciprocal. But I still do care and think about them from time to time. Well, I guess that's why the dream appears - in my subconcious mind they are always in my life. I wish we can always stay close to one another. Have fun together, share ups and downs together, but I know it's almost impossible. Our attachments, logistics, lifestyles and professions will almost never cross path. That way, life has been cruel to me. But seriously - all I can really attest to: I miss them. Nothing I do or say, can change that fact.

Sometimes, in life, at its different stages, you need to be left behind and you'll need to leave someone behind. I guess it's the natural cycle of relationships. Not that you no longer care, you still do, but a lot of things change, and you know they no longer serve your self development and you yourself can no longer do the same for them. It hurts, but that's just the way things are. Perhaps some day, Allah will make us cross path again. Then who knows we'll just pick up from where we left off. :-)

A/T: Afgan sang:

"Andai engkau tahu betapa ku mencinta
Selalu menjadikanmu isi dalam doaku
Ku tahu tak mudah menjadi yang kau pinta
Ku pasrahkan hatiku, takdir kan menjawabnya"

Do our best, and leave the rest to Him. :-)

Monday, December 9, 2013

A Good Idea

Excited to do "Clean after play" Chores :-)

Once upon a night, Aliyah came to me and said:

Aliyah: Mama, I have a good idea!

Me: How do you know it's a good idea?

Aliyah: Because I've found a way to spend your money 'cermatily' (her exact choice of word haha)

Me: So how do we do that? (with genuine curiosity, since she wants to spend my money hehe)

Aliyah: Nanti bila Mama dapat gaji, Mama have to grant us, me and Uwais, one or two wish. One wish is to spend below 6 dollars or another wish can be to spend below 10 dollars.

Me: So ok, errr how do you deserve to get such wish?

Aliyah: Well, you can give us chores. It's up to you how you give us marks. Then you must grant us our wish.

Me: :-D

(Dalam hati, aiii dah mcm Genie plak aku ni hehe...bijak, bijak...)

A while later, I finally discovered why she kept mentioning dollars and not ringgit. She said it's difficult to count in ringgit. Rupanya she's eyeing the price of some of the game on the App Store on her Ipad. Clever girl! Now clever Mama has to find an excuse not to let her use up her 'wish' un'cermatily' hehe

Thursday, December 5, 2013

New Me

I have been really trying to diversify my teaching styles and methods this semester. Instead of starting off my class running, I took the first few classes getting the students to express themselves, opening up on either why they chose to be in their current course, or what do they think of their course so far, or what impressions do they have on the subject they're taking with me.

As much as 'the exercise' has been a revelation to them, themselves and their classmates, it had also been an eye-opening experience for me. I realised that all of them are not merely just another batch of my students, but each and every single one of them have their own story to tell. They have battled their own struggles and problems and they have their own aspirations and dreams. I realised that in my bid to finalised my syllabus every semester, I have often unintentionally dehumanized my students and myself in class. In the past, my lesson plans only comprise of which topics I should cover this week. No more and no less, but somehow by that I was hoping they can coped like any 'good student' out there. I realised I could have done so much more. It was a missed oppurtunity, many missed opportunity, I realised that now. So I really took my time, this time. And I'm glad I did. It seems to have an effect, an unexplained one. I could feel it but it's fairly difficult to described. Something along the like of what happened today.


Today, 3 of my students came late to my class. They apologized for being late, for they've gone to the wrong venue (today was the first time the class was conducted at the current venue). I find that excuse acceptable, but what is not was the sudden smell of cigarettes that came with their 'arrival'.The thing is, I am sensitive to the smell of cigarettes, especially in an air-conditioned or a closed up room/area. It will immediately caused me to suffer from a mild headache and of course will alter my mood (and therefore my lecture). I know either one of them (or all 3) have been smoking fairly very recent before they came to class.

So I suddenly took a break from what was being planned in class then and tell them how I feel about smoking. And I guess it caught them off guard when I told them of my 'sensitivity' and questioned their rationale for still sticking to smoking. I hope they will consider my 'issue' with it before they decide to smoke before attending my class. Truthfully, for some part of the hour I had to stay close to an opened window to ward off my incoming headache. Alhamdulillah, we finished the class and they were dispersed.

But something unexpected happened. As I was about to walk along the corridor heading to my car, one of the boys called me from behind, "Madam."
I turned around and said "Yes?" 
And he said, "I'm sorry, Madam, I was the one smoking just now." He promised not to do it again.

In my mind then, I was thinking, I must have done something right. Because this is rare. At least for me. I don't get many students admitting to doing something wrong and apologizing. For being late, that's normal, but for smoking? Not so much. I guess, he can see how much it upsets me, because clearly I was.

I told him to quit smoking, but not so much for all the obvious reasons, but more so due to it being an expensive habit. He said something along the line, that he's trying to quit. I do pray and hope he'll be successful at that quitting venture. I know it's not going to be easy, but at least now he knows, there's this one lecturer of his that's really affected by it, so he will be careful the next time he planned on smoking before my class.

I do wonder, had I've been the kind of lecturer I was last 2 semesters, would he still be doing the same thing? I guess I will never know, since I'm not back to being the old me :-)

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Have you done all it takes...

Every time someone famous died, especially when they are at their 'prime', statements bordering on the absurd will be made, even becoming a catalyst for heated debates. 

But a couple of days ago, I found something different on Instagram (IG). Something that as a Muslim makes me wonder, something that somehow or another make me ask myself - am I really making full use of my time here in this life, is it enough in preparation for my next life?

"Paul Walker (the actor from the 'Fast and the Furious movies) passed away earlier today and this was the state of the car that he died in. There are some lessons we can learn from his death. One of the main lessons is that you will die the way you lived your life. So if you live your life in the fast lane, you will also die in the fast lane. If you live your life by the gun, you will also die by the gun. If you live a righteous life, Allah Azzawajal will in His infinite Mercy give you a righteous death. 

Many people think these celebrities are untouchable but the reality is different. I bet he was looking forward to the release of his new 'Fast and the Furious' film next year, without thinking he may be dead by then. Most of us do the same thing. We think about the future and ignore the fact that we may pass away before our plans become a reality. Only Allah Azzawajal knows how long we have left in this world. Many of us may not be alive next week and that is the honest truth. So make the most of every minute you have in this world and do as much as you can for your Akhirah because as you can see from the picture, all it takes is a wrong move of the steering wheel and you are gone." ~ islamicknowledge1's IG.