Let's talk about love...

Well, maybe let’s not... Is there any sense in talking at all? Aren’t you supposed to feel love and not talk about it? But then again, what is love? Love is said to be one of the greatest blessings Allah has bestowed on humanity. There’s all kinds of love. But what is it – really?

Some went searching till their hearts bleed. Some was ‘lucky’ enough to have thought they found it and was so deeply in love that they find it difficult to breathe, so ‘uplifting’ that they walk in a smiling daze all day long, so intoxicating that they are willing to fight for their love, protect it, defend it, die for it!

Then suddenly – well maybe not sudden enough – they found themselves out of love. Isn’t it ironic that when people are deeply in love, they thought it suffice to just ‘feel’ the love, but when they fell out of it, they feel the need to ‘talk’ about it? Somewhat pointless...So they looked back and wondered that perhaps it was wrong to be so in love. Maybe it was an error of judgement – not that anyone can make a rationalised judgement when they were so in love. That perhaps they were blinded that they could not see through the true colours of their love interest. Yes, they were just being foolish. And yes, they were just being human. It’s in their nature to feel love. Indeed, Allah has created human in such a way that naturally people will take pleasure from loving and being loved. But whether they do so ‘intelligently’ is another question altogether...

It’s also human nature to hope for a fairy tale ending. A happy ending! But, we often missed a point. As much as love can create that feeling of surreal bliss, it can also hurts like hell!! As Jean Anouilh once said, “there is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy”. Remember the times, when we would cry our hearts out on the edge our beds, at a particular corner of our rooms, – well, my ol’ favourite – in the showers, and on the prayer mats! These are times we would soon want to forget, but they are also times when we would often questioned, how can this feeling called ‘love’, be a blessing? We feel so much pain that we fear that our hearts will just stop beating. Perhaps one of our to do list then, is just to corner ourselves and take out this organ called heart so that we will no longer feel so heartbroken!!

But then, most of the time, we tend to mend our hearts. We learn to forgive or forget or both. We thought, we should move on. So we did, until we were hurt once again. Perhaps, that is what love is all about - a cycle of happiness and pain from time to time. It is the life cycle of love. You fall in and out of love. There’s utter happiness and then there’s excruciating pain. It is a blessing – because truthfully, for most people, every time this so called ‘love’ hurts us, we would seek Allah’s compassion to ease the pain, to lead the way for a better , brighter day. Let’s admit it, not many would remember love as a blessing if it has been an eternal state of happiness. We would have less appreciation of love. If such is the case there's no use for the saying by Alfred Lord Tennyson “'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”?

People do all sorts of thing because of love. Some good, some bad. But, whatever we do for love, at the end of the day it should have been done for the sake of Allah. Perhaps this is where most people missed a very important quest in love – we should love as the Prophet (saw) said only for the purpose of seeking the approval of Allah:

Whoever loves for Allah's sake, hates for Allah's sake, gives for Allah's sake and withholds for God's sake has a perfect faith. (Abu Dawud)

In another hadith, the Prophet was quoted stating:

There are three qualities whosoever has them will taste the sweetness of Iman: loving Allah and His Messenger above all else, loving someone solely for the sake of Allah, and hating to return to disbelief after Allah has rescued him from it, as much as he would hate being thrown into Hellfire." (Sahih Bukhari).

In matters of love, of course if we were Muslims, we should look up to these qualities. But we are but human, as we continue striving to achieve such qualities, actually achieving them remain to be seen and in some cases becomes in itself a test of faith.

Imagine a person trapped in a loveless situation, living in a constant state of a broken heart. Should he or she somewhat accept the fact that this life is a transit and continually striving to fulfil the above qualities, and therefore choose to remain in such relationship? Should he or she continue praying that change is inevitable and that there’s hope along the way for renewed love? Is he or she more righteous then? Or continually being in such situation simply represented a state of injustice or a state of false pretence? Does that make one less righteous? Where do we draw the line? Should we be fearful of drawing that line?

Indeed, in the matters of love we fear many things. We fear losing loved ones, we fear being rejected, we fear being unloved, we fear unrequited love, we fear we will be confined by unwanted love, and we fear losing love, but we often forget to be fearful that Allah will shun us for our lack of love for Him. It is not easy. It’s a constant struggle, to always remind ourselves that we are merely a servant of Allah and as long as we live within the conception of love acquired through faith and living by the moral values of the Qur'an, He will bestow His love on us, Insya Allah. Allah reveals in Surah Maryam verse 96:

As for those who believe and do right actions, the All-Merciful will bestow His love on them.

In the end, sometimes, we just have to accept the fact that some love are meant only for the hereafter... :’(  

Allah says in the Quran, Surah Al-Furqan verses 15-16:

Ask them, “Is this (the Fire) better, or the Everlasting Gardens which have been promised to the God-fearing,  righteous people (men and women)?”.   That will be the recompense of their good deeds and the final destination of their journey, wherein, they will get everything they desire,  and wherein they will dwell forever.   This is a promise which your Lord has taken upon Himself to fulfill.

As solemn as the thought may be for us mortal souls, we must have faith that as true believers someday we will be rejoined and rejoiced in paradise, Insya Allah :-).