Beyond Betrayed

 

Once upon a time...I thought I found myself a friend...

Back then, as I sat down on the eve of my mom's 5th Chemotherapy Cycle, I wonder why Allah let you in into my life. Truthfully, I have no answer. For weeks, I had to rethink of what it was that I did so wrong that you have resorted to taking all the actions that you have taken throughout those past 2 years. And while I should have been focusing on my mom, but instead, I had to sort things for you, still. Yet again, precious time is spent on you. Finally, Allah showed me the way, and eventually, I decided on that occasion, this final stab shall be the end of it all.

Truly, nothing beats the tremendous pain of betrayal. I am not sure why I couldn’t explain it, but it cuts so deep, that even the sight of you made me brim with fury. So much so, that, for months, I totally avoided your path. Now, when the dust has settled, I am writing this as a reminder, so I will never allow myself to let you in into my life ever again.

The thing is, I used to actually like you. I found you to be an intelligent, funny and interesting soul. You are so much fun to be around with. I ignored everything that people has said about you so that I could give you a chance to prove yourself. I defended you many times when colleagues complaint about you, I gave you many second chances, too many perhaps. I spent precious time listening to you, reading, typing away and trying to sort out your grievances and assist you, be it about your complaints of other colleagues, your self-doubts, your career developments, your dress codes, your awkwardness. There are days when I thought we could have been the best of friends.

But I was wrong. You prove me wrong.

 

You are a true Machiavellian, who somehow or another loves to self-sabotage yourself over and over again.

 

Please forgive me, for I have failed. I thought, foolishly that together we could help save you from you. But regrettably, no one can save you, not even yourself. May Allah have mercy on us all and guide us. For I, myself struggles every second to be on the right path. I refused to be sidetracked anymore. Not by you, not by anyone else unworthy of my time.  

 

Thank you for being a lesson in my life. Truth be told, it took months for me to get over the fact of all the time I wasted on you. Never have I felt such anguish. I have long since moved on and life has been so much peaceful without you. Although truly I couldn't care less, I do hope you find what is it that you are looking for. Please... whatever it is, don’t let me know.