A Special Day in January

At 8.17 a.m, the same day today, last year, I met my sweet Luqman for the first time :-). The labour was in the beginning bearable, like when I was having Uwais. The contractions started on Friday from 11 pm. I was already at the hospital by 4 a.m. At the same level of pain with Uwais last time, I was estimating that I would be giving birth by 6 am the latest. I hated to be induced, so I thought I wanted to hang on till the very last minute before I reached the labour room. Inducement meant you are basically stuck to your bed, with very restricted movements due to the drips and all the CTG machines stuck to your belly. And when I am in labour pain, that’s the least thing I wanted to do. Usually, after 8 cm, no more induced labour is necessary.

However, at the hospital, it seems that my opening was only around 4 cm, which meant the opportunity window for inducing the labour is still there. I beg not to, but the attending doctor, insisted it’s standard procedure :-( ???. So they tried breaking my amniotic sac, which I was sure was still there, since I don’t feel any trickling water at all throughout my time at home that night. But they somewhat couldn’t find the sac ??? They tried a second time an hour later, but still nada!! Meanwhile, they put a drip in one of my hands/arms and started the inducement. By 7 am I was only around 8 cm, and because of the inducement, the contractions were getting rather difficult to handle. They were coming in succession every minute, but unfortunately the opening from 8cm to 10 cm which usually comes in less than an hour was dragging on pass the half and hour mark, and I was still not having that ‘pushing’ sensation!!

And the baby was already in distress. I knew that, although they didn’t inform me of such (fearing I will be stressed out) because the nurses, midwife and doctors were ever coming and going looking at the print out from the CTG machines, whispering amongst themselves and always asking me not to move (fearing that movement will somewhat entangled the baby with the umbilical cord). But that's difficult to do when you are in pain! I was already growing restless, tired and cranky, of course. I asked every nurse that came by to check how far am I, every time. So finally one of the senior sister, asked me whether I wanted to speed things up? Of course, I said yes…I was under distress and pain. I didn’t expect that she was expecting a negative answer from me. She said she will try and help intervene in the final opening of the cervix, which involved her putting a gel and ‘wriggling’ the cervix up with her fingers. And the pain involved, truth be told, was even worst than active labour itself!! In fact, the sister kept apologising to me for doing so, throughout the process up until after the birth. But because as soon as the opening was 10 cm, the pushing sensation arrived, I didn’t have the time to ponder or think on the pain of that intervention. Regardless, I surely remembered it was painful, like an inside part of you is being ripped off literally!!!

Since the baby was in distress (which they never told you, anyway), they were actually giving a time line for me to push the baby (which they never told you, too), I actually had less than an hour to do so. I was already very tired and several pushes didn’t seem to bring Luqman out. I even went pass crowning, but he somewhat got stuck there. Suddenly, out of nowhere my labour room is filled up with nurses, I think almost 6-7 of them, (compared to the normal 2 +1 Dr or midwife from my previous experiences). And I saw one of them shoving the vacuum machine in (which I knew based on my experience giving birth to Aliyah - she was vacuumed, due to me being too subdued with epidural to have any pushing sensation – never again will I try that thing!!) I knew, that I have very limited choice now, it’s either I pushed him out or they will start vacuuming him. And no way am I going to go through the healing process going through a vacuum birth ever again, so I used up all my might and with two more pushes, he’s out. Alhamdulillah. Relief all over me, for a while that was.

Luqman was whimpering a bit and he was not that messy maybe because of the lack of the amniotic sac. They wrapped him up and gave him to me. He was so alert and just looked at me quietly. The sister then took him away to give him an APGAR test, while one other nurse stitched up my episiotomy. Anyway, it seems Luqman was not passing part of the APGAR test. I could hear him cry and all, but the doctor suspected some form of lung infections, due to the missing sac and the prolonged active labour phase. He must be further monitored in the next 24 hours at the Neonatal ICU immediately. I asked to breastfeed him for a while, and the sister was kind enough to allow me to do so for a few minutes, before he was incubated and pushed to the NICU. He was latching and suckling successfully, so I was actually quite stunned that there was actually anything wrong with him, but at that very moment I was too tired to process it all yet. But that brief breastfeeding session, actually gave me some consolation that he’ll be fine, soon.

I only got to see him 4 hours later, all wired up to an oxygen tank being only in his diaper. The doctors are putting him on a course of antibiotics and 3 litres of oxygen to assist his breathing. He was diagnosed with TTN or ‘wet lungs’. He was crying his heart out! It just brought tears to my eyes seeing him like that. No mothers should see her baby like that. But being in the NICU, I observed other babies, newborns and a few months old, most were in a far worst condition that Luqman. They were premature (they referred to as prem-babies), some with heart conditions, some with serious birth defects, and some babies or may I say mothers, waiting on and counting the days left on the lives of their baby. And when you talk to them, these mothers were as calm, as calm can be. It was a heart wrenching sight :-(


A captured video shot of Luqman several hours post delivery
 (secretly taken in the NICU no photo zone)

 But Luqman, Alhamdulillah, made it through in less than 24 hours. I went to the NICU at 3 am that morning only to see that another baby was in the aisle where Luqman was. He was already actually moved to the semi-intensive side of the NICU. They removed almost all of his oxygen wires and some of his monitoring devices. Around 7 am, I finally got to breastfeed him directly for 2 hours. All day before the nurse would just feed him the expressed milk through a syringe. A specialist reviewed him and said she will give another assessment by noon. By 11 am, the NICU team decided he’s doing excellent, so they finally pulled out all his wires and monitors. We were moved to one of the room in the NICU, until he finished up his antibiotics and his blood tests came out clear of any infections.

Later that day, the same baby that took Luqman’s aisle, passed way due to the baby’s lung being infected with meconium. I was thinking while I was watching the team working on the baby – it could’ve been Luqman there in his place :-( I observed tearfully how calm the NICU team ‘worked’ on the baby. Nothing of the sorts you saw on TV medical drama. They discreetly covered the parts of the aisle with portable cloth screens and I could hear the ‘motorboat’ (a nicknamed given by the NICU for the machine) machine pumping the baby. Everyone else, nurses and doctors alike was up and about continuing with their duties. It was no ‘fun fare’. It’s definitely not a job position & location suitable for me. But I kept telling Luqman from then on, YOU ARE GOING TO BE A CHILDREN’S SPECIALIST & WORK HERE SOME DAY :-)

We continued staying at the NICU for almost 4 days, partly because Luqman was slight jaundiced past day 2 at the hospital. Alhamdullillah, throughout the neonatal period afterwards, when awake he was calm and alert. When asleep, he could sleep throughout, I think perhaps partly because home was so much quiet compared to the loud NICU which, was always brimming with the sounds of the machines and babies crying 24-7. He was really countering whatever earlier problems that he had, and we had to go through, by being the best of babies :-)

Turning 1 year today, I couldn’t imagine life without him, for I almost lose him that day. He’s brilliant (perhaps due to that extra squeeze during labour he..he..he..) and a very lovey dovey baby along with a killer smile that melt and cheer your hearts at the same time. Thanks to my PhD leave, I have been able to breastfeed him fully up until today and Insya Allah will continue to do so throughout the next 2 years. And the best thing of all, pass that first 2 critical days of his life, he has been a very healthy child indeed. Syukran Ya Allah!!

A healthy 1 year old  :-)

To our sweet and loving Luqman, Mama, Babah, Kakak and Abang and the rest of the clan, wishes you happy first birthday. May you stay ever in the pink of health and grow as a Soleh son. We pray that hopefully one day you will be that Doctor or person that helps other children fulfil their dreams, Insya Allah. Amin….:-)