To boss or Not

These past couple of days had me thinking -

It's not easy being a boss, even if it's only for a small team. The hardest part is actually managing people of different characters and ‘catering’ to their different perspectives & expectations. At times, I simply shake my head in my mind & almost say it out aloud - "mcm ni punya org pun ada ka?"

My good friends told me I have it in me to be a good boss, and most times I actually doubt them haha... I just don't like to be someone who decides things for others. I used to do things because it's part of my responsibilities, my boss rarely need to order me up or check on me. So I thought when I'm the boss, that's how everyone should be? Right? So how hard could it be? Right? Then....I am in for the shock of my life. Yeahh I was a bit naïve, I know.

I think the difficult part for me is to understand the differences in people’s motivations in my line of work. Some have great passion for the job, the ones that soldier on, regardless of what the institution throws at them, and there are some others who are not even sure why they are here in the first place, and then there are some of the worst kinds: the selfish ones. I have met & dealt with my fair share of selfish people in my lifetime, but every time I encounter new ones, it never fails to amaze me at how oblivious they are of the fact that they are so self-absorbed. But then again if they are aware, they would have a different conscience.

While most people in this profession tries to be conscientious, they try not to, not so much for their inability to do so, but simply because they feel even if they did, it grants them nothing in exchange. In their life dictionary, in order for a certain act or task to get done, there must be a reciprocal reward, an exchange of value - for them. Or else, they are the ones that have been intimidated and bullied. They would claim that the institution is not worthy of them. However, when the table turns, they have no qualms in asking for something, reaping from others, not realizing that they themselves have turned into bullies too. 

The test is – how do I get this kind of people to ‘move’, getting them to achieve their fullest potential despite the limitations and constraints of the institution. It’s going to be tough. People never change unless they wanted to. The only person I am capable of changing is myself. If I am finding it difficult to be firm for fear of offending others before, then I have to learn to be firm regardless. If I am finding that they are taking me for a ride because of my niceties, then I will continue being nice but fair to all. If I am finding myself flabbergasted when they questioned any of my decisions, then I will remain steadfast unless there are any justifications or other solutions in changing those decisions. Sometimes, it had to be done. There’s no other way around it. 

My initial mistake as a boss was to think that everyone should be more like myself. Mostly, that’s not going to happen. I need to really take in this role as a manager of my team and improve as one, even if at times I feel that there are just too many things I still needed to learn on the job, not only as a team manager but also as an academic. So I will take on this role as an Amanah and challenge myself to be better at it. In Sya Allah, when the time comes for me to leave, I will leave a better team for my institution.

And oh, yes...I am leaving. Leaving what, or where to, remains under consideration :-)